how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
