the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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