It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
