I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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