My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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