from now on my penis is your penis
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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