i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize