Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize