The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
