WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are we still banned from the library?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize