I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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