Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
