Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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