do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
