the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
