i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
