Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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