Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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