maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
