I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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