Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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