She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
