so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
