There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
