He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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