my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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