Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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