I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We're too hungover to prance.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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