Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
