Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
