i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
