I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
