I must be too annoying 4 u.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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