great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
