During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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