I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
