I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
