You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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