everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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