If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
