The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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