Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
