College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
