YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
