Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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