I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
