my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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