that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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