I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
