mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
