he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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