1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just invented taco cereal.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
