Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
