it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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