and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I understand Curling. That high.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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