Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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