It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So vagazzling was a success
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
