My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
