gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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