Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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