When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize