So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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