if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
as a side note pls kill me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
